i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize