what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
