once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
