My hand turned me down
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
