yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
