I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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