it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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