Screwed.edu
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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