Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
