Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
