The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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