Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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