So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
