Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
