I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.