I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
