I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
