If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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