I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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