True but thats because hes a fetus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
