??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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