You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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