first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
