Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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