question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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