so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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