you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
