K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
