It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
