do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
