all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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