I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
