Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
