i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
