Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
