threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
