Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
