i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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