Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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