Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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