kristin has been a bad kristin
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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