I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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