you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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