Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
