im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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