Cold hands, warm shart.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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