I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How's work?
Spinning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
