I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My feet surprised me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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