you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
