This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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