I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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