I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
