Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
are you so shy because you have an std?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
