Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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