I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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