she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
