I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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