Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
