her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
