i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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